I am horribly lazy. I am the complete stereotypical fat girl. I'm completely depressed, lazy as hell, and I don't take care of myself. I am ashamed of it, terribly ashamed. And yet, here I am. I did absolutely nothing today. I spent most of my day either dozing on the couch, or stuffing my face with crap. This house is so disgusting that if company called and told me they were on their way to my house, I'd end up in a full blown panic attack.
What really kills me, is the fact that I really have no right to be this way. My life might not be a 24/7 party, but I have it pretty good. I have a man who loves me more than I probably deserve. I have my boys. I have a roof over my head, and people in my life that love me dearly. And yet....here I am, wallowing in self pity. Poor me, the sad lazy fat girl.
I have been sitting here trying to talk myself out of erasing everything I just typed. It's so much easier to put on the smile like I do in real life. But, that won't get me anywhere. One of my girlfriends says I just need some motivation. Well, I wish I knew where to get some that didn't wear off before I even got started. I get all gung ho and figure out exactly what to do and then I DON'T DO IT! I suppose I'm still contemplating all of it. I just feel sometimes like I'm stuck in this loop that never ends.
I promise, I'm not always this negative. Although I have been in this particular funk for quite awhile.
Thanks for reading
Bean
2 comments:
Bean,
Some things come to mind. The first is that maybe you are depressed. Maybe you should consider that.
The other thing that came to mind is do you have the idea that it's all or nothing? I've been blogging now about weight loss and reading other people's blogs for a while now. And all of us, it seems, get into the idea that we have to get up, spring into action and be on the Plan (whatever one that is) 24/7. God forbid we start out and slip up on a meal or have a binge because that means we're a big screw-up and a failure.
I don't think you're lazy at all. You're a mom and moms are not lazy. As for motivation, it's hard to get motivated if you're depressed and/or you think you have an overwhelming amount of weight to lose. If it's the thought of losing a lot of weight that brings you down, just concentrate on one or two little things like just getting up and walking for 5-10 minutes and drinking more water. Build on those. Contemplating is good -- it means you haven't given up on yourself.
I hope you feel better today.
Thanks for the congrats on my weigh-in this morning, girlfriend! Support of blog buddies is priceless!
And I want you to know that we're here to support you, too!
I'm sorry you've been in a funk lately. I was in a funk for the past 6 months...so I know where you're coming from. Blogging about what you're feeling...and being so open and honest like you have been...should really help you. And like is said...we're here for you when you need some encouragement or a shoulder to cry on...or just somebody to vent to!
Cheer up! Better days are ahead. You CAN and WILL accomplish your goals! :)
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